My daughter came home from college all jazzed up. Apparently, Matt Forney, a 25 year old blogger who hails from Ithaca, New York wrote on his blog about his "love" for insecure women. His archaic attitudes rolled downhill from there. FIU's campus newspaper, The Beacon, had an op ed response, which she read. She wanted to read the original, because she couldn't believe a guy her age would write anything like this. How could he be such a jerk?
She made a bit of noise, because Mr. Wolverton emerged from his office to listen in. He thought he was helping when he said, "Honey, it's been my experience that if a guy feels like being a jerk; he'll succeed at it beyond your wildest dreams." That little gem got my attention and gave me a chuckle which had him quickly add, "Of course, I'm the exception to that".
I smiled, which got me a "What?!?".
I hastily answered, "We're cool". I raised my hands and shrugged, "I would add that in general, anyone has the ability to go off the rails at any time."
By then Chibi had found the original screed and was playing out alternate emotions of scorn, laughter and sputtering. "Mommy!" (I still haven't been demoted to "Mom"), "You gotta turn this into a diary!" The comments got to her the most. They were pretty much all complementary. Her dad snorted and said that the derogatory comments were most likely deleted or hidden and we later found a comment on the site that admitted as much.
Mr. Wolverton skimmed the piece over Chibi's shoulder and gave a running commentary, "Ok, He's got.....respect issues...maybe some insecurity himself...impotence anxiety...." That got a raised eyebrow out of me and a look from Chibi, but my husband was intent on what he was reading, "There's a loose outline. Huh? He's obviously not got anyone like you, your mother, your grandmothers, or any women role models in his life. Ha! He admits to being a dog!" Hubby shook his head, "How old is he? 25? Oh, well, he's a single guy with no dependents, little responsibility and ...." He started clicking around the web site and came across his "Consultations and Services" page. He clicked back to the original. "You know what? You don't have to read anything he has to say. This guy wouldn't be a keeper by anyone's standards. No father would want him to date his child. He's not worth your time." And, with that Mr. Wolverton moved onto the kitchen to make his lunch. Decision made.
Intrigued, I had to read Mr. Forney's opinion (clicked around his web site) and came to realize, I married well.
As an instructor, I've had to read my share of position papers and this one is...let's just say it's a position paper and leave it at that. Mr. Forney was kind enough to give us an outline to his argument, The Case Against Female Self-Esteem:
1. Most girls have done nothing to deserve self-esteem.
2. Insecurity is integral to femininity.
3. Women don’t want to have high self-esteem.
I read something like this written by James Dobson. Immanuel Kant wrote similar stuff in the 1760s, only more negative toward women. It's the old "guys have egos that must be fed" meme. You know, the one where men need to feel important and women need to be fluff. Men focus on "real" issues and women deal with the frivolous. The idea that men are real and women must be twits has been around for thousands of years. Anything that challenges these memes are "unnatural" to the likes of Forney. He got it from people like Dobson and Kant.
Matt Forney hasn't realized what a real partner in life can do for him. I feel sorry for the women in his life. Their accomplishments dismissed as a waste. Their very personhood dismissed as irrelevant. When I look at my daughter, her female friends and cousins I see young women with a range of accomplishments who don't need men's approval. I see young women, not girls. What a limited view of women do you have to have to say, "Most girls have done nothing to deserve self-esteem"? Forney is 25. Why is he still talking to "girls"?